Self-esteem shapes how we see ourselves, how we relate to others and how brave we are in moving towards our dreams. When your attitude towards yourself is harsh and critical, it can colour your whole daily life. The good news is that self-esteem can be strengthened consciously and in a healthy way.
Self-esteem is your inner sense of your own worth: how much you notice, accept and trust yourself. Healthy self-esteem does not mean always thinking you are great or better than others. Rather, it is a calm and stable feeling that you are valuable even when you make mistakes or do not manage something well.
Self-esteem is not a fixed personality trait. It is shaped by the interplay of experiences, relationships and inner dialogue, which means it can also change.
Low self-esteem is not always visible. It can hide behind people who seem successful and capable. The most common signs are:
Self-esteem is often shaped in childhood, influenced by early relationships, criticism or a lack of recognition, experiences of bullying or high expectations. Later difficult experiences, such as failures, losses or harmful relationships, can also weaken self-esteem. It is usually the result of many factors together rather than one specific cause. That is why low self-esteem is nobody's fault.
Strengthening self-esteem is a process that happens in small steps. These directions can help:
A psychologist helps you notice and make sense of the patterns that weaken your self-esteem and build a gentler, more supportive attitude towards yourself. Cognitive behavioural therapy is often used for this, as it helps change harmful thinking patterns. Support is available both through counselling for adults and online.
At Heaolu Keskus, you can turn to these psychologists with questions of self-esteem:
One of the most effective ways to strengthen self-esteem in a healthy way is to practise self-compassion. Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same understanding and kindness you would show a good friend, especially when something goes wrong. Unlike self-esteem, it does not depend on achievements or comparison with others: it is a supportive attitude that remains even in moments of failure.
Research shows that self-compassion reduces self-criticism, anxiety and shame and helps people recover from difficulties faster. In practice this means, for example, that after making a mistake you do not attack yourself in your mind, but acknowledge that making mistakes is human. This gentler inner voice creates the ground on which more lasting self-esteem can grow.
Self-esteem directly affects how we behave in relationships. When a person does not believe in their own worth, they may fear rejection, constantly seek reassurance or agree to things that do not really suit them. It can also be hard to believe that others genuinely value them, which brings doubts and tension even into the closest relationships.
Low self-esteem can lead a person either to give in to others too much or, on the contrary, to keep their distance as protection. In both cases real closeness takes a back seat. As self-esteem grows stronger, it becomes easier to set healthy boundaries, express your needs and let others see you as you are, which in turn makes relationships more trusting and fulfilling. Sometimes low self-esteem is also linked to codependency.
Constantly comparing yourself with others is one of the most common things that weakens self-esteem, and social media amplifies it considerably. In our feeds we see other people's carefully chosen moments, such as successes, trips and beautiful photos, and we tend to set them against the more ordinary side of our own everyday life. This comparison is unequal and easily leaves the false impression that others are coping with life better than we are.
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